I was speaking with a friend of mine over the weekend who is a self confessed perfectionist! :-). She was having a bit of a hard time, down on herself and feeling the stress of life upon her at the moment. She knew that she needed to change but had no idea how to shift how she was feeling within herself.
And so I thought I’d write about this because I know she isn’t the only one who experiences this, in fact I think we all do this from time to time. Are you your own worst critic? Does your voice inside your head belittle you, doubt you, question your every decision, put you down or make unfair comparisons of you to someone else?
For my friend this was entirely the case. I asked her “why are you so hard on yourself?” and her answer was “because if I’m not then I’ll never get any better, I’ll never prove myself” For her believing that she wasn’t good enough was her fuel to prove to herself (and others) that she was good enough…until she hit a challenge or it all became too much pressure.
We all have a motivation driving our behaviours. Sometimes our motivation can be an away motivation, a lack of something, a pain we no longer want to experience. This was what was happening for my friend. In these times, sometimes the very thing that is motivating you can trip you up. The beliefs that tell you aren’t enough, the beliefs that you have been trying to ignore, come back into your consciousness when you face a difficulty or challenge, a speed bump on your path. Suddenly you’re filled with doubts about yourself and your ability and your wind gets knocked out of your sails, sometimes you even abandon ship altogether.
An alternative is to start your quest with a grounded and authentic sense of self acceptance. A knowing that as you are, you are good enough. You may also want to be better but that journey is starting from a good, more confident place when you have self acceptance. Self acceptance allows us to experience a set back and rather than see it as a failure we see it as feedback. Self acceptance is a key ingredient in great leadership, whether that be your career, in your home or in your personal life. All great leaders know that mistakes will happen, it’s not about covering them up, it’s about learning from them and responding appropriately.
Self acceptance is fundamental in knowing you are good enough and knowing you are good enough gives you the motivation and confidence to perform, to explore, to love and to connect.
So how do you develop self acceptance?
Firstly you must give yourself time and space to be with your own thoughts and feelings. Our ‘busy’ lifestyles make this hard to achieve at times but it is essential that we create this for ourselves.
Secondly you must take a journey of personal discovery. This has been such a blessing in my own life. Once we can understand why we think and feel the way we do, why we act the way we do and who we are under the surface of the roles we play then the journey to self acceptance is well under way. Through this process exploring memories or experiences from the past, particularly ones that hold emotional triggers for you is crucial. Letting go of past identities that no longer serve you will create space for new identities to flourish.
Thirdly we must open ourselves up to the vulnerability of experiencing social support. When you can share your true personal thoughts and feelings with someone and have them truly hear you without judgement but rather with support and love then we can experience what it is to be human with acceptance of our true selves.
So ask yourself, do you give yourself what you need to create a better sense of self acceptance or do you find yourself always busy, staying within your comfort zone, avoiding opportunities to grow and learn about yourself and always putting on a brave face to stop people from seeing the ‘real’ you?
I hope this has given you some insight on where your own motivations are and if need be, given you some steps to take to develop a better sense of self acceptance.
And if you would like more guidance and an immersive experience to develop your sense of self acceptance I invite you to join me at The VitalityFit Retreat. This retreat is your opportunity to do all of this and so much more in a fun and luxurious setting. To learn more go to www.retreats.upliftingpt.com.
Sharon x
